losing a relative

Has anyone ever lost a relative a day before there birthday well I lost my gran last year. I was kind of mad because she got took into hospital because she couldn’t eat anything without being sick and she started bringing blood up. But I didn’t get told till a week after she got took in but I feel kind of bad because I didn’t go into the hospital to see her. I was scared that she would die if I did because a year before that I had a still birth so I was terrified to go to the hospital. After that she eventually got told that she had lung cancer but there was nothing they could do so they let her go home. my dad and uncles took care of her with nurses coming in a couple of times a day anyway it was on a Wednesday when I went down to see her. She just looked so week she slept most of the time and I didn’t know what to say I was really upset because my gran was always there for me. If I had any problems she would always listen and try to help if she could and anytime that I ran away from home when I was young she would always take me in and let me stay with her. Anyway it was about five at night and I was going home I said that I would go back down on Friday but I got a phone call on the Thursday night saying that they didn’t think she would live through the night. I was making plans do go down straight away so I got dressed but then I got a phone call from my big sister saying that there was no point of me going down anymore because she had died. I couldn’t even talk to her and I dropped my phone I just couldn’t believe it I think that was the worst birthday ever and I don’t know how much I’m going to enjoy this one. I still really miss her so much and I don’t know how to let go and move on so if anyone has got any ideas on how I can move on I would really appreciate the advice